Little Snippets from my Food Faux Pas History

You may have read my post about Pudding Frosting. Who gets those ideas? It's like "Hey, here's something no one else would think of, therefore I must be genius." Here's some more instances when my brain simply wasn't functioning on all cylinders (heh...I almost wrote "burners," but then I remembered that not everyone gets my humor. It's so dry it's dehydrated. Um..yeah, see?).

*Who needs substitutions? As a poor college student, I set about making box-macaroni and cheese for myself. But partway through, I discovered I had no butter. No big deal, I'd just leave it out. Then I discovered I had no milk. I thought --and who thinks like this?--"well, water will at least get the cheese powder to work on these noodles, right?" And it was so disgusting. Plain noodles would have been worlds better. I gagged it all down, wondering the whole time if starving might actually be a better idea (I soon after rearranged my food budget with my generous parents and ate much better foods).

* Breakfast for a less-than-cheery roommate...Jenn was helping and had to remind me to actually turn on the heat...

"Qait, the eggs won't cook themselves, you know."

"What? I know that. What are you talking about?"

* Buttermilk Brine Chicken for Michael's WHOLE FAMILY. Whoa, nerves.

And maybe this one doesn't count because the family liked it. But I really didn't. It was SO salty. WAY too salty...I just didn't tell anyone that the chicken had been soaking up the brine for...um...maybe a week? I conveniently don't remember.

* My favorite! This one isn't so much a food disaster; the table was set, the chicken looked passable (phewf), and everything was ready. From the kitchen, I asked the guest couple to please turn off the fan over the table so it wouldn't cool the food when I put it out.

The fan broke off the ceiling and crashed into the table. :|

Whoooow...forget breaking the ice, we broke dishes. I LAUGHED! But that poor couple. They never recovered. Conversation over dinner was very shy and quiet, despite our efforts. At least the food was glass-free.

Brown Melvins

These were invented by my brother Isaac during a cookie adventure where he was making all of us sisters laugh by messing with the recipe. If you've got a wickedly wonderful sense of humor, secretly drop a raisin into the mix when no one's looking. (I was Isaac's accomplice in this dastardly deed...but I was the one who ended up biting into that sneaky raisined cookie).
Get ready for amazing deliciousness!


Brown Melvins
printable version


1 cup butter
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
3/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 eggs
2 1/2 tsp vanilla
1 tsp mint flavor (optional)
1/3 large banana
2 1/2 cups flour
~1/4 cup Mint Truffle cocoa drink mix
1 package semisweet chocolate chips
1 raisin (be secret about it)

Preheat oven to 375*.
In a large mixing bowl, beat butter and sugar until creamy.
Add baking soda and salt, eggs, vanilla, mint and banana. Mix well.
Stir in flour and cocoa mix.
Stir in chocolate chips (and the raisin).

Bake 8-9 minutes on ungreased cookie sheet.
Cookies should be pretty brown-- this doesn't mean they're burned.

You can come up with a prize/chore for whoever finds the raisin! 

Cheesy Pasta

This is an easy emergency dinner or a comforting snack when you need something warm.

Cheesy Pasta

printable version

Cook some noodles (any kind--I used egg noodles). 

Over hot noodles, sprinkle: 

grated mozzarella

parmesan cheese 

garlic salt

Microwave 30 seconds if necessary to melt cheese. 

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

These are the perfect texture for a cookie; they have a gently crisp outside just right for dipping in milk (the way my husband likes them) and a soft, chewy inside the way I like them. They also reheat well, just 8-10 seconds in the microwave for ~3 cookies, for the comfort of hot cookies with your milk. Mmm.
And I feel less guilty knowing there's oatmeal in them.

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

printable version

1 cup butter, softened

1 cup packed brown sugar

1/2 cup sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

1 1/2 cups flour

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp salt

3 cups quick oats

1/2 package chocolate chips (or full package for double the fun...that's my style)

Preheat oven to 350*.

In a large bowl, beat together butter, brown sugar and sugar until creamy.

Add eggs and vanilla; beat well.

In a separate medium bowl, combine flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt. 

Add flour mixture to sugars and mix well. 

Stir in oats and chocolate chips. 

Drop in little rounds onto ungreased cookie sheet.

Bake 10-12 minutes and cool 1 minute on cookie sheet. 

Makes nearly 5 dozen.

(For bar cookies: bake 30-35 minutes in ungreased 9x13 metal baking pan) 

No-Bake Cookies

Woops, we ate them all before taking a picture!

No Bake Cookies
printable version


2 cups sugar
3 TBS cocoa powder
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup butter
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups quick oats
(1 cup chopped nuts optional)

In medium saucepan, combine sugar and cocoa. Mix well. Add milk, mix well on medium heat. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat. Boil for 3 minutes, stirring constantly.
Remove from heat and add remaining ingredients. Mix well until thickened, and drop cookies by spoonfuls (I use a TBS measure for the perfect size--cookie scoops are the same) onto cookie sheet covered with plastic wrap or tinfoil. For quicker cooling, place in freezer. When completely cooled, store in airtight container.